How Elitists Deprived Common Man Of Chocolate For Centuries

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Chocolate. A Religious Experience.

They weren’t handing out chocolate to just anyone when it was discovered in Central and South America.

First served as a ritualistic drink with chili and spices, it was consumed exclusively by Aztec and Mayan royalty and warriors and was used as an offering to the deities they worshipped.

So unless you had access to the VIP temple lounges, you weren’t getting in on the goods. Literal food of the gods. 

#NoChocolateForPeasants

There Are No Golden Cities. Let’s Raid The Chocolate!

When the new world was discovered, Spanish conquistadores (the original gangsters of cultural appropriation) shipped it to Europe where they added milk and sugar to the drink.

This once magical libation of the gods was now being slurped up like crazy by the snooty drawing room set.

The Spanish kept the production of chocolate a secret for almost 100 years (bastards) until it was discovered by the rest of Europe and caught fire in the elite circles of society.

#StillNoChocolateForPeasants! 

Liberte, Egalite, Chocolate!

Then, during the Industrial Revolution, working-class people rioted in the streets demanding their fair share of chocolate.

Actually, what really happened was that steam-powered machines allowed mass production of cacao possible (Yay!).

Not long after, cacao butter was added to make the first solid chocolate which a Belgian inventor/foodie/hero started filling with all kinds of delicious stuff.

Most revolutionary of all, chocolate was now being consumed by the (gasp!) common masses.

#VivaLaRevolución #ChocolateForEveryone #SuckThatElitistPigs‍

Chocolate: Opiate Of The Masses

Since then, chocolate has flooded the market in a myriad of forms.

Chocolate candy bars, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, chocolate soufflés, chocolate bonbons.

Once reserved for the gods and their posse, chocolate is now being delivered to mere human children by a questionable mystical figure called the Easter Bunny. Even given away on Halloween!

For a time, it was viciously maligned as (bigger gasp) junk food! 

Somewhere Mayan gods shook their part-human, part-animal heads in disbelief.

The Cult Resurges

Was it divine interference that turned the chocolate tide? Or were we just looking for a good excuse to eat it?

Either way, chocolate is once again being credited with special powers.

No longer a common dessert, chocolate has reemerged as a superfood. Dark chocolate is now hailed as a fountain of antioxidants and essential minerals. 

They say it’s good for your brain. Good for your heart! Is this the work of Mesoamerican gods exacting their revenge with 12-dollar chili-infused organic chocolate bars? Or just good nutritional science?

We may never unravel this dark and delicious mystery.