This article may contain affiliate links. We may receive a commission for purchases made through these links. Privacy Policy.
2020 has been a strange year, and many of us may not be celebrating the holidays or new year in the way we normally would. But hey, there’s still a lot to be thankful for. Like family, friends and good food… just to name a few things.
And to show you just how much better 2020 is than the supposedly “good old days,” we’ve unearthed some vintage holiday recipes from the ’50s, ’60s and ’70s. These ghosts of recipes past are genuinely frightening, friends. And not for the faint of heart.
We’re talking about jellied turkey, aspics, Christmas trees made out of tuna and all manner of unnatural things inflicted upon perfectly normal foods. If you’re looking for a recipe list that calls for common holiday foods like cranberries and pecans or made up of well-known holiday desserts like toffee, truffles, white chocolate, candy canes, peppermint bark or sugar cookies, we suggest looking elsewhere.
But once you get a load of this collection of horrifying food mashups, you will be thanking your lucky stars that you live and eat in 2020, where we can enjoy any holiday brunch or perfect Christmas dinner without these dishes.
Now take a deep breath, and let’s dive into the land of culinary nightmares.
1. Christmas Lobster
I don’t know. It just seems wrong to decorate a dead crustacean in such a whimsical manner when you’re going to eat it. And I don’t want to even think about the horror show that this dish will turn into once people at your holiday party start ripping off its claws.
2. Frosty the Slaw-man
This recipe calls for 3 cups of mayo, 3 POUNDS of cottage cheese and 12 cups of cabbage. I would rather eat a snowman made from actual snow before this abominable creation. I’ll just take some pretzels for my appetizer, thank you.
3. Holiday Hostess Tree
No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. The ornaments on this festive tree are made from sausage weenies and other not-fine meats. Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, how meaty are your branches.
4. White Mystery Food Cake
This mystery fruitcake looks far scarier than a regular old fruitcake. And we’re not even sure that we want to know what the big secret is. What’s no big mystery is why this recipe disappeared from all good society and was replaced with desserts like cheesecake.
5. Meaty Cheesy Faux Gingerbread House
We have to give props for the construction. But we’d still rather eat a gingerbread house made from actual gingerbread. And once the guests start digging in, this thing is going to look like a hot mess.
6. Shrimp Christmas Tree
A mini Christmas tree made from shrimp and olives! How festive! If only it smelled like pine instead of raw, buttery shrimp.
7. Candle Salad
This easy recipe for an exciting side dish or holiday dessert dates back to the 1920s. Which were apparently much, much more innocent times.
8. Party Sandwich Loaf
It’s a green sandwich with three different layers of meaty fillings. Because one meaty filling with your party loaf is not enough. Not sure we want to know what the green, creamy frosting is made of (maybe it’s whipped cream?), nor do we recommend making this for your Christmas party.
9. Holiday Tuna Tree
Who hasn’t dreamed of gathering around the Christmas tuna tree to sing holiday carols while trying not to gag on the stench of so much fish? Although it would make a wonderful holiday gift for someone on your naughty list…
10. Pickle Christmas Tree
What embodies the holiday season more than your favorite gherkins in the shape of a Christmas tree? Why nothing, of course!
Related: Weirdest Food From Every State [United by Strangeness]
11. Jellied Turkey
The color scheme is right for the holidays. But frozen, jellied turkey is just so very wrong.
12. Crusty Salmon Shortcake
Who needs strawberries for your shortcake when you can have it with crispy salmon? You get a lot more protein this way!
13. Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes Santa
It’s Jolly old St. Meatloaf! Sorry, Santa, we’re going to have to eat your face off now.
14. Crayfish Christmas Tree
This crustaceous Christmas tree is sure to incite a feeding frenzy among your friends. Just make sure they have a place to throw the shells.
15. Jello Mold Salad
It’s a salad encased in gelatin. Sorry, but vegetables shouldn’t wiggle like that.
16. Apple Mallow Yam Yums
Yams, apples and marshmallows. A few simple ingredients combined to take healthy produce and turn it into a blood sugar nightmare. No matter how much brown sugar or white sugar you add to this recipe, we don’t think you’ll enjoy it.
17. Chicken Croquettes
They look like a little forest of snow-covered Christmas trees at first glance, but they’re hiding a terrible secret: chicken and peas! Ugh!
18. Fruit Cocktail Eggnog Pie
If you like eggnog, you may not find this dessert so disgusting. The problem is that it contains no alcohol.
19. Pretty Pickle Tree
A mini tree made from pickles and pickled onions. If there were a pickle Christmas tree contest, this one would be the winner! Even though we can’t see the log, we know that it won’t be pretty.
20. Marinara Santa
This Santa is made out of pepperoni, cheese, marinara and cream cheese. The aftermath will not be pretty, and maybe it’s best just to order some pizza if you’re looking for an Italian dish.
21. Holiday Fun-due
Dipping ham and tater tots into processed cheese dip is much more festive than regular old fondue. The Swiss don’t know what they’re missing!
22. Pink Lady Salad
This classic holiday treat contains cottage cheese, pineapple and cool whip. And no, this isn’t what it looks like after somebody throws it up. Maybe it’s gluten-free? Is it crunchy? We honestly can’t tell, nor are we willing to find out for you.
23. Marshmallow Fruit Salad
Canned fruit, marshmallows and sour cream. Also known as Granny’s chewy Christmas Dessert Mashup from Hell. We’ll just stick with Grandma’s fudge recipe, chocolate chip cookies or peppermint brownies, thank you.
24. Pleasure Island Devil’s FoodÂ
Deviled ham covered in creamy white stuff, and they have the nerve to call it “Pleasure Island?” You do not want to get shipwrecked here.
25. 24 Hour Vegetable Salad
The 24 Hour Vegetable Salad contains eggs, peas, bacon, cheese and mayo and will take at least 48 hours to digest.
26. Devil Pig
This culinary DIY masterpiece contains deviled ham, cheese and chili sauce. Surely they eat this stuff in hell. (Also, we love the addition of the hot chocolate and colored popcorn balls. These Christmas treats taste so great with deviled ham!)
27. Tuna and Lime Jello Wreath
Who needs protein and a dessert when you can eat them at the same time? Or maybe we just send this one to the trash.
28. Cheesy Hotdog Soup
A soup made from butter, milk and American cheese with sausage. Every bowl decreases your lifespan by at least 12%.
29. Crab and Pear Cocktail
Crab and pear cocktail. You’re going to have to be very liquored up to get this baby down.
30. Cold Ham Mousse
A cold ham mousse. Also known as the pig’s last revenge.
Related:Â The 31 Best Christmas Movies [That You Can Stream Right Now]Â
31. Oriental Shrimp Sandwich Roll
Oh god, a shrimp sandwich roll. Run! Run for your lives!
32. Ketchup Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
I’ve had pineapple upside-down cake before and enjoyed it. What it wasn’t missing? Ketchup. It does not make everything better. Maybe just stick to some shortbread or gingerbread cookies for that one cookie exchange/dessert party you’re going to… or any other Christmas cookie recipe, really.
33. Star Aspic
Aspics — gelatins made with meat stock and all manner of horrible things — are now (thankfully) a thing of the past. “Star of wonder. Star of meat. Star that I refuse to eat.”
34. Fish Mold
It’s tuna and A1 Sauce, but it’s shaped into an actual fish. Your guests will never know it’s not salmon!
35. Miracle Whip Waldorf Mold
The jello itself may not be that bad. It’s the massive glob of miracle whip and marshmallows on top that make us want to hurl.
36. Chicken and Peas Aspic Towers
Why did they encase so many things in gelatin in the supposed good old days? It’s like they thought food would run off your plate if you didn’t trap it in something.
37. Jeweled Fruit Tart
This recipe is a master example of how to take something as innocuous as fruit and turn it into something entirely unappetizing. Imagine if they made these in cupcake form… no, thank you. We’ll just stick to Christmas cookies or Christmas candy for dessert.
38. Olive Tower
We like potatoes, olives and carrots. Just not held together in a tower by god knows what.
39. Tripe Something
If the name of this recipe is correct, it contains the stomach linings of animals. As if that weren’t enough, it looks like an unholy symbol.
40. Deviled Eggs
Many people find deviled eggs tasty. But with a load of deviled ham on top? We think a very sadistic cook contributed to this recipe.
41. Scary Green Thing
A frightening green mass in a bath of tomato sauce. We don’t know what it is, but we’re afraid of it.
42. Lime Salad Thing
Again, why does produce always show up in green jello?
43. Sliced Salmon
You can make this festive loaf with salmon or tuna. But apparently, you’ll need an entire package of gum to get the taste out of your mouth or else it’ll stick to you like peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.
44. Shrimp and Potato Salad
Shrimp is good. Potatoes are good. Just stop with the culinary mashups already!
Bon Appetit
We hope this collection of frightening Christmas foods hasn’t put you off your appetite for the rest of 2020. Just be thankful you now live in a time when turkey and potatoes aren’t served in gelatin.
When aspics no longer exist. And you can sip your yummy hot chocolate and eat your holiday cookies with nary a thought of a deviled ham tower or mystery crockpot or slow cooker meal waiting for you on Christmas morning.
These are the good old days of #christmasrecipes and #holidaybaking, friends! Happy Holidays!
You might also like: 13 Soup Recipes Sure to Warm Up Your Day
44 of the Scariest Christmas Recipes:
- Christmas Lobster
- Frosty the Slaw-man
- Holiday Hostess Tree
- White Mystery Food Cake
- Meaty Cheesy Faux Gingerbread House
- Shrimp Christmas Tree
- Candle Salad
- Party Sandwich Loaf
- Holiday Tuna Tree
- Pickle Christmas Tree
- Jellied Turkey
- Crusty Salmon Shortcake
- Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes Santa
- Crayfish Christmas Tree
- Jello Mold Salad
- Apple Mallow Yam Yums
- Chicken Croquettes
- Fruit Cocktail Eggnog Pie
- Pretty Pickle Tree
- Marinara Santa
- Holiday Fun-due
- Pink Lady Salad
- Marshmallow Fruit Salad
- Pleasure Island Devil’s Food
- 24 Hour Vegetable Salad
- Devil Pig
- Tuna and Lime Jello Wreath
- Cheesy Hotdog Soup
- Crab and Pear Cocktail
- Cold Ham Mousse
- Oriental Shrimp Sandwich Roll
- Ketchup Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
- Star Aspic
- Fish Mold
- Miracle Whip Waldorf Mold
- Chicken and Peas Aspic Towers
- Jeweled Fruit Tart
- Olive Tower
- Tripe Something
- Deviled Eggs
- Scary Green Thing
- Lime Salad Thing
- Sliced Salmon
- Shrimp and Potato Salad
Sherry De Alba
view postSherry De Alba
Sherry is a freelance writer who worked as an actor before transitioning to an award-winner career in advertising. During a vacation to Mexico, she fell in love and never left. Sherry (aka Cherita) now spends her time bouncing between the US and Mexico writing, running, cooking, meditating and exploring lots of cool stuff on the other side of the wall.
view post
