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A four-day weekend, endless carbs, and no presents to buy. There’s a good reason why Thanksgiving is one of America’s favorite holidays. 

Still, there's no denying that family tension can get the best of you now and then. At moments, you may even wish you had another family altogether. 

When the dysfunction meter begins to soar, here are the TV stars I fantasize about stuffing my face with.

The Lannisters from Game of Thrones

I know the Lannisters from Game of Thrones seems like an odd choice. 

But I’ve always wanted to eat one of those giant turkey drumsticks without having to go a cheesy Renaissance fair. Besides, the Lannisters are rich and drink copious amounts of wine. I like that in people.

Hateful, manipulative and even dangerous? Yes, but that will make your own family look totally normal when you return from this magical, maniacal kingdom. 

And don’t worry, at least you’ll have Tyrian’s witty barbs to break the murderous tension. 

The Villanueva/Solano/De La Vega Family from Jane the Virgin

Wow, I’m going need some normalcy after the Lannisters. OK, relative normalcy. 

Nobody seems to cope with drama better than the Villanueva-Solano-De La Vega family from Jane the Virgin

Because after everything they’ve been through, they do seem refreshingly normal. Evil twins, murder, unplanned pregnancy, more evil twins. Nobody can tear this supportive, loving clan apart. And couldn’t we all use a little more love and support? 

Stop barfing already. I’m finished.

The Byers Family from Stranger Things

Their house is dark and creepy. And I’m sure the food would be terrible. 

This is the family you visit when you’re bored with a normal Thanksgiving and want to go someplace where you don’t know what the hell is going to happen next.

Another blowout football game? Snore! 

You’ll really earn those carbs when you’re running from the mind flayer. Also, they have terrible 80’s hair and clothes, and you’ll feel good looking in comparison. 

Hello Hawkins, Indiana, here I come!

The Gilmores from Gilmore Girls

Yes, I want to eat Thanksgiving with the Gilmores. 

Not at the mansion with the snooty grandparents. And not with grumbly Luke. I want to plop down on the couch and chow down on some Chinese takeout with Lorelai and Rory. 

Because sometimes you want to hang with the girls. And not cook a turkey or anything else for that matter. Oh, but I will demand they at least bring a pumpkin pie from the diner. It’s not Thanksgiving without pie. 

The witty banter will be fantastic. And when I get tired of the steady stream of pop culture references, I’ll take a stroll around the charming little town of Stars Hollow and burn a few calories.

They won’t mind. These girls know how to entertain themselves. 

The Axelrod’s from Billions

I have to admit I can’t stand these entitled jerks. But I’m a foodie, and I know the spread is going to be exquisite. 

Yes, I am going strictly to please my palette. 

Also, they’re loaded, and I won’t have to bring any dessert or wine. They’ll be popping ridiculously expensive bottles of champagne like it was soda. 

And when I get really drunk, they’ll send me off to one of the many extra bedrooms in the mansion to dream the night away on five billion thread count sheets and a silk pillow. 

God bless those ruthless Wall Street bastards.

The Pearsons from This Is Us

For a more warm and fuzzy Thanksgiving, I’d go with the Pearson family. 

Not the whole extended family in the present with the grownup Kate, Kevin and Randall. Too many people. I’d prefer to sit down at the table with just the original 5 Pearsons. Hmmm.

Maybe without the annoying kids. Just the three of us. Jack, Becca and me. Hmmm. Possibly also without Becca. Just Jack.

Ok, I admit. I only want to have dinner with Jack.

The Cast of Queer Eye

They’re not officially related, but they sure seem like family to me — a glamorous, multicultural mashup of style, fun, and grace.

Before dinner, Tan can dress me, and Jonathan will zhuzh my hair, making it extra  “gorg.”  And I know chef Antoni will not be slinging any dry-ass turkey at me. It’ll be gourmet all the way, darling. 

Sure, Karamo and Bobby will say something that makes me cry when we go around the table giving, thanks. But that’s ok. We’ll wipe away the tears and go dancing until the wee hours at some fabulous LGBTQ club. 

What else could an uninvited Thanksgiving guest ask for?

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Posted 
Nov 18, 2019
 in 
Pop Culture
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