The Christmas-Ween Song Book

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For those of you who read my article on the new holiday mashup where Christmas meets Halloween, you are clearly anxious to start celebrating. To help you revelers get off to a good start, I’ve written a special Christmas-Ween songbook to use while you’re out there caroling/ trick-or-treating.

Based on old familiar classics, these new twisted tunes will get you in the spirit. And maybe even raise a few from the dead.

First up is this little song based on “Let It Snow.” It’s scary and cozy at the same time. 

I Won’t Go, I Won’t Go, I Won’t Go 

Oh, the werewolf outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful

And until he decides to blow

I won’t, I won’t go, I won’t go

Man, he doesn’t show signs of stopping

And I have no gun to pop him

The lights are turned way down low

I won’t, I won’t go, I won’t go

When we finally kiss goodnight

How I’ll hate to go out in the storm

But if you really hold me tight

He won’t get to rip out my throat

Now the fire is slowly dying

And my dear I’m still so frightened

But as long as you love me so

I won’t go, I won’t go, I won’t go!

Related: The Best Halloween Musicals That Haven’t Been Written…Yet!

The Christmas-Ween Song

Based on the holiday classic Christmas song, this new version is sure to be a hit with creepy crooners. 

Lyrics:

Pumpkin seeds roasting on an open fire

Gremlins nipping at your nose

Yuletide carols being butchered by a choir

And folks dressed up like ghouls and ghosts

Everybody knows

A turkey and some candy corn 

Help to make the season bright

Scary dolls with their eyes all aglow

Will make it hard to sleep tonight

You know Van Helsing’s on his way

He’s loaded lots of scary weapons on his slay

And every mother’s child is going to spy

To see if vampires really know how to fly

And so I’m offering this simple phrase

To kids from one to ninety-two

All though it’s been said many times, many ways

Happy Christmas-Ween and BOO!

The 12 Days of Christmas-Ween

And now for the 12 Days of Christmas-Ween. Most of us have been in a bad relationship at some point. But the person in this carol really needs to reconsider what true love is all about.

Lyrics:

On the first day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me, 

A vulture in a pear tree

On the second day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the third day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the fourth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the fifth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the sixth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the seventh day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Seven sharks a-swimming

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the eighth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Eight wolves a-howling

Seven sharks a-swimming

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the ninth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Nine witches shrieking

Eight wolves a-howling

Seven sharks a-swimming

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the tenth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Ten toads a-leaping

Nine witches shrieking

Eight wolves a-howling

Seven sharks a-swimming

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the eleventh day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

Eleven bats a-biting

Ten toads a-leaping

Nine witches shrieking

Eight wolves a-howling

Seven sharks a-swimming

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

On the twelfth day of Christmas-Ween my true love sent to me:

12 zombies chomping

Eleven bats a-biting

Ten toads a-leaping

Nine witches shrieking

Eight wolves a-howling

Seven sharks a-swimming

Six rats a-running

Five dead bunnies

Four tarantulas

Three black cats

Two rattlesnakes

And a vulture in a pear tree

Bust A Tune

And that’s our hit list, friends. Now feel free to invent your own Christmas-Ween classics. And if you’re not that creative, just sing Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. Some stranger watching you while you’re sleeping and awake is totally disturbing. I don’t care if it’s Santa Claus!

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