Blackout Wednesday. America’s New Favorite Drunky-Drunk Holiday.
It’s known as Blackout Wednesday. Also, Drinksgiving and Thanksgiving Eve.
Blackout Wednesday is the annual night before Thanksgiving when college students (and the people who wish they were college students) descend on the bars to celebrate the start of a 4-day holiday weekend.
It’s not hard to see how this party got started. You’re a college student. You just got back into town (possibly the first time since summer break), and you want to see your old friends. The perfect excuse for a drink (or ten).
Or maybe you can’t avoid your old frenemies — another good excuse for a drink.
Also, there are no presents to buy.
And you’ll be spending the next ENTIRE day with your family — a day when your sole responsibility is to lie around on the couch and eat.
If that’s not a recipe to glug-glug-glug the night away, I don’t know what is.
Sure there are plenty of adults who have also globbed onto this unofficial holiday. People that are out of town or who don’t want to cook the night before Thanksgiving.
Can you blame them?
For many cities, the night before Thanksgiving is the biggest drinking night of the year (rivaled only by St. Patricks Day and New Year's Eve).
The Origins of Blackout Wednesday
So when did the term Blackout Wednesday get coined? The origins are a bit sketchy (much like the night itself).
Blackout Wednesday started trending as a Google search in as early as 2004, but it didn't really pick up steam until around 2012.
Hmmm. Perhaps, in this kind of situation, we best look to Urban Dictionary. They defined Blackout Wednesday as “The biggest college party of the year” as early as 2006. They also link it to Chicago (which Google search data supports). A toast to our friends in the Midwest!
But, let’s be honest; people have been imbibing in this holiday for decades.
Look, unofficially, most of us have probably celebrated Drinksgiving without even knowing it.
So why not make it a truly official holiday by giving this special day its very own poem?
Like The Night Before Christmas, but drunker.
Blackout Wednesday. The Official Holiday Poem (according to us).
Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and all through the condo
Not a college kid was stirring, ‘cause they were out getting blotto
The turkey was thawing in the warm kitchen air
In hopes that the relatives soon would be there
The underage kids were snuggled down in their beds
While Visions of Netflix danced in their heads
With Mom in her jammies, and Dad taking a crap
They were almost ready for a Black Wednesday nap
When out on the lawn there arose a loud clatter
Dad jumped up to see what the heck was the matter
Out of the bathroom, he flew like a flash
Tore open the curtains, though he didn’t have pants
The street lights glowing in a long, shining row
Made Dad’s parts visible to the whole town below
When what to his wondering eyes should appear
But a pimped-out Uber with a spoiler on the rear
With a bearded, young driver so jumpy and quick
Dad knew in an instant this guy must be pissed
He opened the car door and out they came
Eight drunk college kids which he then called by name
Out Drunky, Out Shit-faced, Out Blasted, Out Hammered
Out Wasted, out Liquored, out Tipsy, out Tanked
To the top of the porch, go knock on the door
I don’t want you tossing in my car anymore
Then he spoke not a word but went straight to his work
He threw a water bottle at each one of those jerks
Then he gave them the finger; Uber rating be damned
And he sprang to his front seat, and the car door he slammed
He turned on his stereo and blasted some Nelly
And away he flew like a bat out of helly
Dad heard him exclaim before he drove out of sight
Happy Drinksgiving to the rest of you, but this shit ain’t right!
A couple of words of caution. Drunk driving and binge drinking incidents soar right along with bar tabs on this day. So don’t be a jerk. Try not to go overboard, designate a driver or take public transportation.
Oh, and don’t throw up on your Uber driver.
Merry Drinksgiving, everyone!